Ambiguous Clockwork

We’re good at forgetting, but we’re better at remembering.

I’ve heard people say time changes us, but I can’t say I agree. I don’t really think it’s time that changes us – I think it’s us who change the time.

We sometimes say we want things to never change. It comes mostly during the nights we stay up until 4 AM in the common areas of our living spaces talking about life – what’s happening now, what’s happening where we’re going, but especially, what’s happened where we’ve been. Because more than what can happen in the future, it’s our past that holds on tight.

The end of the year is wrapping up quickly. It’s the end of my second year, and I have one more left to go. It’s difficult to believe that May 2016 will conclude my college journey.

Although I’m over halfway done, I’m convinced that things are far from being over. I’ve been blessed with a season this spring that has been a time of build-up rather than breakdown, and when this season concludes, by God’s grace, I’ll be standing on top of a mountain that I’ve climbed for so long – and I’ll be completely in love with the view.

It’s been a fight to get here, I think. College is a time to figure out who you are, sure, but I think it’s also a time to figure out who you’re not.

Freedom
There’s a choice we all have to make: to sit back in the chair we’ve always sat in, or take a chance and climb the ladder.

I look back at last summer and last fall, and I’m certain that I am no longer who I was. Sure, there are pieces that have tagged along with me. But I see life a lot differently now. I know new people, and think new thoughts, and create new words and phrases. I am hopeful that we all can say that – that we’ve changed, hopefully for the better, in one way or another.

We have a tendency to let our past drag us down, I think. We base our future off of who we’ve been, convinced that there are certain patterns that will always take place.

But have you ever considered the concept that our past, present, and future are all connected? Your present circumstances – your reactions, your words – have a direct relationship to where you have been and what you know to be true based upon the past. And your future circumstances – your perception of what is to come – is based solely on what you know to be true in the present, which is based on what you know from your past. There’s essentially minimal, if any, differentiation. And at any second, our perception of any one of them can shape our perception of all of them.

We’re working with ambiguous clockwork.

Define that, Sophie. Okay. Ambiguous is an adjective that means “open to multiple meanings,” and clockwork, well, it’s inner workings of a clock.

It takes one thought, or the lack of one thought, to change everything. There are multiple interpretations of what our present moment contains, what our insides feel, and whether or not our perception even exists at all. Because one second, we’re in the present, and the next second, it becomes the past.

Which brings us back to time.

We’re good at forgetting, but we’re better at remembering.

Have you ever noticed that we forget, we make the same mistake or discover the same joy all over again? That rediscovery is something that can change everything.

I’m not saying that we should be better at forgetting. In fact, it’s often important to remember. But I’ve noticed that our future choices are too often dependent upon what we have seen in the past. We leave blank spaces in our expectations only for new experiences – but even then, we’re prone to infer.

We’re all filling in the blanks for summer, even though it’s a new year, with new people, new places to find. We’ve had new experiences. Yet, we remember. We’re expecting some things to remain the same. The heat. Maybe the beach. Working, family, a break from school.

But I’m hopeful and convinced mine is different. That this summer will be entirely different than any other year. My plan is to live like a little kid – with a sense of wonder, joy, and minimal expectation for the things that are yet to come. To not let my inner clockwork get messy by thinking there’s only one way to tick, but instead keeping in mind that I can remain open to different interpretations of the same circumstance.

I want my time to be shaped by me, rather than me be shaped by time. As the school year is ending, my journey is just beginning.


Follow me @hopesophie17 to keep up with me this summer! Questions or comments? Post below or sen me an email at sophie.guetzko@hope.edu.

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Sophie Guetzko

Hey, I'm Sophie. I'm a third year college student graduating a year early, in May 2016. Follow me (I'm a Leadership minor) @hopesophie17 on Twitter and Instagram, send me an email at sophie.guetzko@hope.edu-- I'd love to chat (I'm a Communication major). While on campus, I've been involved with numerous Bible Studies, The Anchor newspaper, CFL Consulting, and recently started my own t-shirt company through the CFL Incubator program. Hope to talk soon!

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