This past Tuesday was the first of
four sessions of a series called “Love, Dating and Sex” put on by Campus Ministries. Over the course of four weeks in November, the amazing Paul Boersma and Kate Davelaar will be talking about the
realities of relationships and will be as honest
as possible to answer questions and help people get a clear understanding of a
functional relationship and what you need to be in one. Let me just say that I
was skeptical going to this because I didn’t know if it would be awkward or
whatnot, but Paul and Kate made this so entertaining! The two of them just
crack me up because their comedic timing is spot on and they say just the
perfect things that make you laugh, but also make you realize that they are
completely right! Even during Chapel when they talk, it’s so easy listening to
them and you trust whatever they say because they base their knowledge on their personal experiences.
On Tuesday, they opened up with a
question pertaining to how media and shows portray relationships and the
“rules” that they follow. A few students basically said that the media
glorifies negative things such as needing to be in a relationship to be happy
or being in a relationship is all about physical attraction and not
understanding yourself or your partner. This opened up the topic for Kate and
Paul to expand on. From their life experiences, they summed up the question by
saying that in order to be in a relationship, you have to accept yourself and
be at ease with who you are before someone else can come along and appreciate and
love you. A key point that Paul mentioned was that you cannot compromise the
qualities you look for in someone just to be in a relationship because that
will only lead to problems because you’re basically settling for something less than you deserve and are looking for. In addition to Kate and Paul talking, they showed
us a clip from Andy Stanley and his series entitled “The New Rules for Love,
Sex and Dating.” This man is a pastor at North Point Community Church and has
a series of videos on this topic and is blatantly honest about it. Here’s a
little snippet of what his talks are about:
Something he stressed throughout all of this was that you have to “become the person who you are looking for is looking for” — in other words, you have to be the person that you would want to date. You cannot simply go into a relationship and say that you when you find the “one” that they will fulfill the problems and complications in your life, because that’s a false reality — as explained in his section called “The Right Person Myth.” He went on to say that the life you are living right now, will one day become your past but it will show up again in your future.
So, it’s just a heads up that you want to live your life right now the way you want it to be in the future — this can get pretty confusing but is very true and thought-provoking. Both from Kate and Paul as well as Andy Stanley, it all comes down to whether you are in the right mindset to be in a relationship. If you are not independent and looking for the qualities you yourself have, you most likely are not ready to be part of a committed relationship because flaws will arise if you don’t figure out your own life path first and foremost.
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This session was only an hour long, but it was such a great
use of time. Over the course of the next three weeks, I will be going to these
informational meetings to learn from Paul and Kate and hopefully gain a better
understanding of who I am and pass that information onto my fellow readers. The
topics they will be covering are extremely relevant to college students and is
a great way to point people in the right direction if they are confused about
relationships and that aspect of their lives. I know this isn’t a very light-hearted topic, but I will be learning more and I hope you will join me!
Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @hopeleslie15.