I once heard that the goal of a parent is to work yourself out of a job. While we will always be parents and they will always be our children, it is natural and right for our kids to gain independence so we are not needed in the same way we once were. At the time this advice was given to me, my kids were little and the thought of my children not needing me was both incredibly sad and a seemingly very distant reality. But as they do, the years flew by, and now we have not one student at Hope College but two! Our daughter, Molly, is a junior elementary education major and Elliana is a freshman exploring her future path. Our son, Charlie, is a high school sophomore, so we are just a few years away from the empty nest life. While l once dreaded letting them go, I have found over the years that one of my greatest joys is watching them live out what God has planned for them…outside of me.
One of our first big letting-go moments was dropping Molly off at Hope as a freshman. Hope is a 10-hour drive from our home in Kansas City, so this was no small thing. Especially since, during her junior year of high school, Molly struggled with some pretty intense anxiety, and we wondered how it would go when it was time to go away to college. Molly questioned her decision for a moment when it was time for us to drive away, and there were ups and downs in that first year, but she came home in May with an amazing community that she couldn’t wait to get back to.
If we thought going to school in Michigan was a big step, God was about to show us just how much we could trust Him. During the Spring 2024 semester, Molly decided to study abroad and was in Athens, Greece for four months! Thankfully, we were already used to Facetime and text as our means of communication, so while it mostly didn’t feel all that different to us, there was still the knowledge that she was in another country on the other side of the world. Yet, in ways large and small, God was faithful. She had two lovely housemates, a supportive program staff and the confidence and experience of three semesters at Hope under her belt. Not only did she survive, she thrived – volunteering at an after-school program helping students learn English (and they helped her learn Greek!); planning and taking trips to Switzerland, Austria, Germany, and a few other Greek destinations; finding a church she felt at home in in a country that was primarily Greek Orthodox; and so much more.
To be sure, she had some hiccups along the way (missing some transportation connections, figuring out a new phone plan, BED BUGS!!), but we found she had to deal with most of these issues while we were sound asleep due to the time difference. And she rose to the occasion! Instead of asking, “What do I do?” she often just told us what she did, and we affirmed her decisions. And then we had the opportunity to meet up with Molly in Athens in May as she was wrapping up her studies there. Our first realization as we walked off the plane—everything was in Greek! Ha! Looking around at the myriad signs in a completely foreign alphabet, we quickly realized we did not give Molly enough credit for her bravery in choosing to live in another country…while at the same time we were grateful for the support she had with her study abroad program and new friends.
We had an amazing European adventure in Greece and Italy as a family, but one of our favorite parts was watching Molly’s confidence and independence as she led us around. She introduced us to the wonderful owners of a local coffeeshop whom she had gotten to know. She taught us how to validate our tickets on public transportation. She navigated the crowds and restaurants and streets. Eric and I had worked ourselves out of a job, even if it was just for a moment. And that was really cool to see. I think we all know that we never stop needing our parents on some level, but watching my kids gain independence has been one of my best parenting surprises!