Family Engagement

It’s hard to believe that Spring Semester 2024 is almost in the books! As members of the Family Advisory Council, we wanted to share a quick note. Our youngest, Kristian, is finishing his freshman year while our oldest, Erik, graduated in 2021 and is finishing a PhD. in geology. Erik just married a fellow alum, Maya (Hecksel) Schoonover, and she is completing her doctorate in audiology this June.

Living in Indiana, Hope is approximately three hours away. We have close friends in the Grand Rapids/Rockford area who are also supportive for any additional issues or challenges (like needing a ride to the GR airport!). This distance from Indiana has also been useful in building independence and problem-solving for both Erik and Kristian.

As parents, we often forget that this journey to adulthood is not a linear path. Discernment during college and finding a ‘true calling’ is not easy. Hope offers such a wealth of support and mentoring, areas that have been quite helpful for Kristian as he is looking to bring together his interests in international business and data science. This summer, he is planning on an internship at a computer company in Germany and additionally looking at a semester abroad in his sophomore year. We are also grateful for the level of mentoring that we see Kristian getting, and that Erik and Maya received as well. Seeing the great foundation that Hope has given each of them reminds us how truly special this undergraduate experience is.

Just recently, we visited Hope and were discussing next steps. Besides all the fun summer planning, we started thinking about …how are we are going to get all this stuff back?! From a practicality standpoint, we have used the large blue or clear bags from an unnamed Swedish discount furniture store and those sturdy black/yellow bins. Move-out is a great time for families to review what worked, what did not, and do some overall spring cleaning. Move-in for fall will come just as fast and (learning from our oldest!) it was so helpful to tackle the unpacking at home before summer gets underway. Using those bins, we reorganize what they want to bring back in the fall and pack it away, giving them an end of summer boost by being ahead of the return to Hope packing.

Be it planning for summer or next steps in his education, we are continually pleased to see the support Hope has for our student, helping to guide his educational plans to meet his changing future career goals. We wish all of you and your students a wonderful summer!

When orange and blue are best for YOU!

We are Mark and Jennifer Brininstool, and we reside in Grand Haven, Michigan with our three daughters (Kennedy, Brooke & Parker). Kennedy is a sophomore majoring in business and accounting. We are members of the Hope College Family Advisory Council and have enjoyed our interactions with fellow members, past and present. When asked to write this blog post, I was initially skeptical, as we live approximately 25 minutes from the Hope campus and I didn’t know how our experience might resonate with readers.

As graduates of Michigan State University, Jennifer and I did our best to make sure our girls got their fair share of green and white, while also having the Spartan fight song emblazoned in their mind early and often during their formative years. We attended many sporting events, including baseball, hockey, basketball, volleyball and football (including the Peach Bowl victory in 2021).

When it came time for Kennedy to begin searching for colleges to attend, how would the process go? Would she schedule several in-state and out-of-state visits to large schools? Secretly, that was my hope. After those visits would she end up at Michigan State? Secretly, that was my hope.

Much to my initial surprise, there were no out-of-state school visits. Upon further inquiry, there wasn’t a desire to attend a large school far from home. I’m not even certain an application to Michigan State was completed. Surely everyone wants the largest and most recognizable of everything, right? Not so fast. What I wanted and what worked for her parents was not what was of interest to Kennedy. I had to adjust and we visited schools that were a better fit for our daughter. In all honesty, I was dispirited with what I saw until we toured Hope College on a cold and rainy November morning. “Aha, this is impressive!” Jen and I exclaimed during and after the tour. Meeting the admissions representative for an hour over coffee at Panera a few weeks after our tour? Yes, that too was impressive and appreciated! This ‘little’ school not far from our home had suddenly jumped to the top of the list for everybody. After acceptance to other universities, Kennedy received countless letters, postcards, and other correspondence from Hope. I have said it many times and continue to say it when I speak of Hope: every point of contact was top notch and the personalized letters were distinctly different.

Upon acceptance, Kennedy was apprehensive about the cost of attending. We ultimately concluded that if she immersed herself in the campus, friends, clubs, etc, the incremental cost as compared to her other options should be viewed across the next 60+ years, not simply the next 4 years, and we could and would make this work successfully.

Kennedy has excelled in her academic pursuits and made new friends, all while working in the Center for Leadership as well as a local retailer. While these days of academic rigor and work can be strenuous, they act as a soft training ground for the eventual real world that awaits. The short distance between campus and our home is traversed more frequently than maybe I envisioned, as are the number of phone calls (typically to Jen), but if this is what is needed by Kennedy to produce her results, how can I complain? While it’s unknown whether Kennedy attends chapel, I have encouraged her to, especially during stressful periods when a short respite with an uplifting message will do anyone well. Among the many other benefits, I have found chapel to be a great way to reset and refocus. It’s akin to an extra shot of caffeine. There are times when I wish we were closer to campus so I could receive this boost more often.

As I was writing this, Kennedy called to inform me that she today met with the Chief Financial Officer of a local restaurant group where she has worked since she was a teen, receiving a summer internship offer to work as part of their accounting team. Kennedy will be able to combine her classwork with her knowledge of restaurant operations to assist in the timely preparation of monthly financial statements for management analysis. Hope is everywhere: the Chief Financial Officer is a Hope business and accounting graduate! This community really is transformational if you keep your eyes and ears open for such signs.

Over the past months we have traversed a similar college decision path with Brooke, and with a few short weeks remaining until her high school graduation, she’s narrowed her list down to, primarily, Hope and Michigan State. I have subtly (or not) made the case for Hope, but it seems that all the green and white that she was fed as a child cannot be overturned. Alas, we will have to adjust again, but this will be more difficult, as it won’t be Hope and it will be further away. We will certainly re-read other blog posts for tips and tricks, as well as be able to better relate when parents discuss the trials and tribulations of being a greater distance from their children.

The college decision path has been eye-opening for our entire family and will continue to be so into the future. We have found many different approaches, from mass produced mailings to hand-written letters, from large group tours to individual tours. We have found that one size does not fit all. Thankfully, we have found that Hope College will forever be a part of our journey.

Jen Ryden, Jill Nelson, and Cindy Kleinheksel have a few things in common. Notably, they all serve Hope students through Campus Ministries and they all have daughters who are first-year Hope students. I asked if I could sit down with them and learn a little more about what it’s like to be both a Hope parent and a Hope staff member. Their responses may surprise you!

With all of you in mind as our audience for this conversation, I asked, “What do you wish more families knew about Hope?” Cindy was very practical, citing the cost of laundry, the necessity of a parking pass if you bring a car and the benefits of starting Hope with extra credits in your pocket from high school. Jill emphasized that there are opportunities for 1:1 interaction with staff and faculty members at every turn. Whether it’s a professor, a coach, Campus Ministries or Student Life staff, Hope is so relational. If your student is struggling, they just need to reach out and they will find support. Jen built on that sentiment saying, “You have to ask. Don’t be afraid to ask.” People will bend over backward for you, but they generally won’t know that you need help unless you ask for it.

All three women emphasized the importance of students building a positive relationship with their academic advisor. “If you have a good relationship with your advisor, they will go to bat for you!” We hope that all student-advisor pairings are great, but if you are truly not meshing with that person, you can make a change. Again, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Next, I asked about any lessons that they learned after their college student moved out. Cindy’s response was immediate. “The importance of prayer. Your hands are tied when they’re not with you. All you can do is pray and know that God loves them more. That’s where my husband and I have grown most in our prayer life together.” Jen spoke about the importance of allowing their independence. “You have to be able to say, ‘This is something you can do. You can figure this out,’ while still making them feel supported.” Jill added, “And sometimes they will fail. And they will learn from that too.” All three women shared the impact that was felt at home after their Hope students moved out. Whether you have younger siblings grappling with that missing person, or you’re finding your footing as an empty nester, the dynamics at home are sure to change.

We closed by chatting about boundaries. Boundaries seem to be a key ingredient in a healthy relationship, even when you are sharing the same campus! Jill, Jen and Cindy each spoke to the importance of allowing their student to take the lead in setting boundaries around when they will talk or meet up. Jill mentioned Life360 and how it took some time for her to remove her daughter, which was ultimately the best decision for both of them. College students need to have some freedom to make mistakes, to ask for help and to build trust with you in this new season of life.

I wish everyone reading this could sit down and chat with Cindy, Jen, and Jill. It’s likely that your own Hope student already knows and loves them. If you think your student could benefit from personally connecting with any of these women, I hope you will encourage them to reach out.

To all of our Hope families, you may not hear it nearly enough, but your students love and appreciate you in a major way. Read on for a few love notes from Hope College students.

“I love that my family comes to my events at Hope so that they can see what I’m involved in!” – Aine S. ’24

“I love that my parents push me to be independent but still help me when I need them.” – Anna K. ’24

“I’m so happy to have my family close so I can see them every day!” – Simon A. ’24

“I love that my parents are always so selfless and care so much about me and my siblings.” – Justin K. ’24

“I love how my family is always there for each other. We can always make each other laugh and have a good time. I miss them when I’m away at school!” – Tess T. ’26

“My siblings and I are really close in age and I love that we’re so close to each other.” – Owen G. ’26 (and Evan G. ’27!)

“I love how supportive they are of me through everything I do.” – Alex S. ’24

“I really appreciate how close my family is. When anything good happens, I can always check my phone and my family will be the first people to congratulate me.” – Erika M. ’25

“I love playing card games and hiking with my family. Even though we’re geographically spread out now that we’re older, the ways we still connect are really special.” – Clara V. ’24

“We’re all super close. I can rely and depend on my siblings 100%.” – Gordon V. ’24

“I love how supportive everyone is in my entire family. We might go through a lot, but everyone will always be there to help each other out.” – Maddie D. ’26

“I appreciate how encouraging everyone in my family is. Whatever choices I make, they’ll always be there to encourage me.” – Henry N. ’26

“The thing I love about my family is they’re there whenever I need them, whether it’s academics or my personal life. They encourage me to do my studies and duties with zeal.” – Daniel B. ’24

“The thing I love most about my family is their constant support… and the good food they give me.” – Madison P. ’25

“I love that my family is supportive of me, no matter what I do.” – Mackenzie H. ’24

“I’m grateful that my parents have supported me with everything I have ever wanted to do. They always want what is best for me.” – Luke G. ’26

“My family is in Wisconsin, so I’m grateful for a family who welcomes me home and for all the time that we spend together.” – Ellie D. ’25

“I’m thankful for my parents for adopting me. They are so loving and caring.” – Joe D. ’25

“I’m thankful for the constant words of encouragement that they have given me over the years, and for easing any anxieties that I have about the future.” – Alyssa F. ’25

“I appreciate how my parents have navigated the season of me moving out and gaining independence. But I still rely on their support!” – Aidan O. ’25

“I’m thankful for my parents pushing me to pursue my biggest dreams and always giving me love and support.” – Abigail K. ’25

“I love how both of my parents demonstrate selflessness and have sacrificed a lot for me to go to school far away. I’m thankful for their unconditional love.” – Christian C. ’26

“My parents have helped me out my entire life, especially coming to Hope, and have supported me in everything I do… even though some of my decisions haven’t been the best. Thank you for all that you do, Mom and Dad!” – Nolan K. ’24

“Something I love about my parents is how strong their faith is and how they exemplify that through their lives.” – Theo R. ’25

“I love that so many of my siblings have gone to Hope and that we’re able to bond over our shared experiences.” – Nick D. ’24

“I love that my family is so invested in everything that I’m doing, especially when they get super excited about things that I’m working on like Dance Marathon!” – Isabelle V. ’25

“My family has always pushed me to be the best version of myself. They’ve opened up endless opportunities for me that I will forever be grateful for.” – Stella F. ’27

“Even from Cincinnati, Ohio, my family does not stop supporting me and my siblings. They make it to so many games and trips up to Holland. I am so lucky to have parents who care so much about us and love us so well.” – Annie L. ’25

“What I love most about my family is that they always make sure I am well-fed… even when I’m not living at home!” – Fernando L. ’26

“The thing I love most about my family is their constant support and knowing that they will always have my back.”- Olivia S. ’27

“My family always supports each other first, and without them, I would have never been able to make it to where I am now, which is what I am most grateful for.” – Kristian S. ’27

“I am grateful for my family’s overwhelming support through school, and especially through my four years at Hope!” – Jenna S. ’24

“My favorite thing about my family is that they’re just the perfect amount of weird. Every day I get more grateful for the way they raised me. I can talk to them about anything, and they are all willing to keep learning and growing together! It’s a blessing to have a family wonderful enough to miss.” – Molly M. ’26

“My family means a lot to me, especially my younger brothers. We have always been there for each other and I am so thankful to have them in my life.” -Camille H. ’26

“What I enjoy the most about my family is the fact that we can just laugh. No matter if it’s laughing at someone or something or about something or someone I can always count on them to make me smile, even if I really don’t want to.” – Grant E. ’27

“The thing that I love most about my family is how supportive they are and how much fun we all have together.” – Tyler E. ’27

“The reason I love my family so much is because they offer me the most unconditional love there is. Through the times I haven’t loved myself, they always have and will.” – Ava D. ’26

“My family is always supporting and pushing me to become the best version of myself; I am extremely grateful for all of their love and advice!” – Kennedy B. ’26

“Even while being in California, my parents have gone above and beyond to be present through every step of my journey at Hope. I couldn’t ask for better examples of what it looks like to live in a way that honors God.” – Cam S. ’24

“I was prompted in a class the other day to write about traits I admire in others. The two traits that came to me instantly were if someone is disciplined and emotionally intelligent. Then I took a step back and realized that those are some of the two most profound characteristics in my dad and mom respectively. My dad is one of the most disciplined people I know, if he knows something has to get done, it will. And my mom is the sweetest, kindest, most empathetic and compassionate person I know. She is always encouraging us, her kids to feel our emotions and legitimatize and validate how we feel. I see those two characteristics in myself, and I’m so proud to be the son of two people who are loving enough to want to pour into their children.” – Jules H. ’25

As parents, watching our college-aged children struggle to find friends can be heart-wrenching. We want nothing more than for them to thrive socially, as well as academically. For each of our Hope students, freshman year, first semester was a real struggle. Looking back, that shouldn’t have come as a surprise. During our son’s first year, our youth pastor asked us how he was doing. We told him about some of the struggles. His response was enlightening…

“Freshman year is the worst social experiment ever. You take a bunch of 18-year-olds who, for the last 12 months, have been celebrated, have had minimal obligation, and haven’t really needed to make major decisions. Then, you throw them all together into an environment where they don’t know anybody, they have all sorts of responsibilities thrust upon them, and they’re told, ‘Go ahead now and make your own decisions’. Yes, most of them struggle with this.” If nothing else, it was good to hear from him that our kids weren’t the only ones in this boat.

The good news though is that both of our children not only survived but have thrived. Our daughter graduated with deep, sincere friendships that are continuing to grow post-graduation. And our son, a current student, is constantly talking about the rich relationships he has in a variety of contexts. So, how did this happen? Well, why don’t we hear from them.

From Molly, Class of 2022:
It’s hard to find friends in college. I struggled just as much as the next student. But as I look back, I have a much different perspective. This is what I would tell my freshman-year self if I could sit with her today: First, remember that you already belong. I know that sounds annoying to hear, especially when it can feel so lonely. But with your Hope College acceptance letter came a place for you at Hope College. Change your mindset from “If I find my place” to “When I find my place.” And remember it takes time. You cannot build fulfilling relationships in your first month at school.

Second, say yes as much as you can, but be intentional with your yeses. I found that relationship and belonging happen in the “in-between.” Relationships are built at the late-night study groups, the walk to the Chapel after class, or in line at Phelps – those small in-between acts. When I say “say yes” I don’t mean sign up for everything. While clubs, sports and other on-campus activities are great ways to meet people, they can burn you out faster than you think. Don’t over-commit. You cannot build lasting relationships if you are constantly running from activity to activity. Pick one or two to try out, looking for the opportunities that will put you in the “in-between.” Say yes to the small things and be intentional with your big yeses.

Lastly, stop comparing yourself to others. It’s easy to see a large group of freshmen at Phelps or playing frisbee in the Pine Grove and wonder, “How did they make friends so fast?” Or maybe it’s seeing upperclassmen and envying their friendships. Just remember each of your classmates is in the same position you are in or was in that position. Every person on campus experienced freshman year and dealt with the same struggles and emotions as you. The best thing you can do is understand that everyone is on their journey, and you cannot compare yours to theirs.

From Jules, Class of 2025

I found my people the latter half of my second semester, freshman year. It was after spring break. My roommate introduced me to some cool people he had gone on an Immersion trip with. I was invited and accepted into that friend group, and we started hanging out. I really found my people there. In the second semester of my sophomore year, I decided to rush. I was a little nervous that I would lose those friends because of the time and social commitment of being in a fraternity. I expressed those concerns to some of the members in the fraternity and they assured me that they had the exact same worries when they were joining. What they found, however, was total support from the guys to be a part of the fraternity, but also keep the relationships they already had, working to see them flourish outside of the fraternity.

So, I’ve found a group of guys through my fraternity that love me, support me and will always be there for me. They also encourage me to have outside relationships. It’s not an “us or nothing” situation. I’m learning that the key to having a good relationship with anybody, the key to finding your friends is finding people who meet you where you’re at, who are there for you, who encourage you to pursue the good things that are already in your life. These are relationships that don’t pull you away from those good things. I’ve been able to find this in my friends who are in Greek life and my friends who are not in Greek life.

So, what have we as parents learned as our children have traveled this journey? A few things…

Keep the Communication Open
We worked hard at striking the right balance between letting them have their space, and hovering. It wasn’t easy. But we were proactive, looking to establishing open lines of communication via regular check-ins through phone calls, texts or video chats. We did a lot of listening, allowing them to share their experiences, challenges, frustrations and triumphs. We tried to be supportive listeners, offering empathy, guidance without judgment, and every once in a while, a little advice. By fostering a safe space for expression, we found that we were able to strengthen trust and deepen our connection.

Respect Their Independence
While it’s natural to want to stay involved in their lives, we realized that we had to respect their newfound independence. We sought to avoid micromanaging or helicoptering, and instead, tried to empower them to make their own decisions and learn from their experiences. Of course, we’d offer guidance when needed, but we also gave them the space to navigate challenges independently. We’ve seen them grow in independence and in their ability to think critically when solving problems.

Be Present and Supportive
Even though we’re only 40 minutes from campus, there is physical distance. So, we look for ways to remain present and supportive. When Jay is in Holland on business, he checks in to see if the kids are available for lunch or dinner. We attend family weekends, sporting events, or performances, when possible, to show our support and interest in their college experience. We have been intentionally getting to know their friends, and their friends’ parents. We ask about all aspects of their life, not just academics. We sport our Hope College swag at home and around town, not just during campus visits. And of course, we serve on the Family Advisory Council. These are just some examples of ways we’ve sought to actively participate in their college experience, thus showing our unwavering love and support.

Freshman year is the toughest year, but if they can get through that first semester, they are on their way to an amazing experience. Our hope is that this article may provide a nugget or two for you as you look to guide your student to great things.

Jay and Janice Hidalgo live and work in Grand Rapids, Michigan. They have four children, one of which is a Hope graduate, Molly Hidalgo ’22, and one of which is a junior at Hope, Jules Hidalgo ’25.

You mean there is a college in the land of salt-free water, blueberries and cherries, long days and beautiful sunsets, endless sand dunes AND with a lack of stifling humidity? Never mind the snowy long winters and that dreaded “drive around the lake,” we want our daughter to go THERE! Hope College, here comes Camille, class of 2026!

We are Rachel and Kyle Herrman from Webster Groves, Missouri and we serve on Hope’s Family Advisory Council. Our daughter, Camille, is a sophomore majoring in Communication and Spanish. I (Rachel) knew of Hope College after growing up in the Chicago area and my mom had a condo and home in SW Michigan for many years and eventually retired to South Haven when our children were little. Having many special memories of the area, we camped in Van Buren State Park over COVID and decided to just do a drive-by of campus. We instantly fell in love!

Camille knew she wanted a small, liberal arts education. She wanted to be known by professors and just experience a cozy learning environment. We looked at many liberal arts colleges in the Midwest. What stood out right away at Hope was that the Admissions advisor spoke directly to Camille our entire visit. I was just a fly on the wall! It was clear that Hope was student-focused.  

Camille applied and was a finalist for the Hope Forward scholarship. Even though she was not a recipient, Hope held her heart. She already felt known before she moved onto campus! She was accepted into the Phelps Scholars program and loved the experiences and friends she made through that living/learning environment. Those friends continue to be her best friends on campus. She has served as a student-advisor for a First Year Seminar (FYS) class and she is an Engagement Center Specialist with the Philanthropy and Engagement department. She did a communications internship in that same office this past summer and lived on campus. She is really blossoming into an amazing, mature young woman at Hope!

All has not been blueberries and sunsets on the beach, though. Camille’s freshman year was incredibly difficult. Beyond the general bumpiness of transitioning to college academics, her life fell apart upon return to school for second semester.

I mentioned that my mom had retired to South Haven and that our family has special memories of the area as being part of our draw to Hope. Our beloved “Boosha,” my mom, unexpectedly passed away from a stroke on January 19, 2023. Camille came home that weekend to be together as a family. That Sunday, literally while she was driving back to school, her dad collapsed after a run and experienced an aortic aneurysm just 3 days after she lost her grandma. She called me as she was pulling into Holland and I couldn’t answer as I was sobbing in the emergency room. Her other grandparents called her back and gave her the news. In a span of 3 days, she lost her grandma and almost lost her dad.  

We are beyond relieved and overjoyed that Kyle survived the dissected aneurysm. He is a living miracle (Amen!). He was in the ICU and hospital for 10 days. I talked with Camille and we decided to have her remain on campus where she could maintain her social support and daily routine. Her professors were SO understanding and Hope really became her “home away from home.”

Hope really loved her in a tangible way that semester while her dad was in his long-haul recovery. Kyle is a HUGE Malcolm Gladwell fan. He had been looking forward to hopefully seeing him on campus when he spoke in March of 2023. He and Camille had listened to one of his books, David and Goliath, on the drive to drop her off at school in August of 2022. Malcolm coming to campus while her dad was on the mend felt like a little gift from God.

Camille wrote an email to President Scogin requesting to be in attendance at his talk. She let him know of her dad’s fawning over Mr. Gladwell and how they had listened to one of his books on the way to Hope and that her dad had just almost died and she was missing him. She stalked his office trying to get his attention (this made us chuckle from afar!). She had friends go up to him on campus and tell him of her plight to get to see Malcolm for her dad.  It was an all-out “bring Camille to Malcolm” campaign.  She did hear from President Scogin’s office in response and not only was she invited to his keynote address, she was invited to EVERY event that Malcolm participated in that weekend.  She even got her picture with Malcom and a signed copy of the book they had listened to on the way to Hope. Camille cried out and Hope listened. Now THAT is student-centered love and care. Not only is Camille receiving an outstanding education, she is receiving the true definition of Hope: a feeling of trust and of good things to come.  From the bottom of the Herrman Family’s hearts, thank you Hope College, for living out your values.