We’ve all heard the term “helicopter parent,” and none of us want to think we are one but sometimes our well-intentioned advice or involvement can prevent kids from problem-solving. After all, raising good, kind, and self-sufficient humans is what we signed up for, right? Here are some helpful tips and tricks that we try to employ.
Communication
It’s tempting to call or text multiple times a day for the little things as if they were still home. But they’re not. Let them lead and respect what works for them.
- Make a plan: Before they leave, decide how often you will catch up and let them initiate contact.
- Be flexible: Maybe there’s so much going on that they need to talk less, or things are rougher than they expected, and they need to talk more. Be there, but on their terms.
- Seek to understand: Sometimes they just need someone to listen while they vent and other times they want advice. Ask which is most helpful for them in that instance and follow through.
Before you know it, you’ll get into a routine that works for both of you.
Decision Making
The first few days, weeks, and months will be stressful. Some kids have been making decisions for years but will doubt themselves when away from home. Others may not have had to make many decisions and are feeling overwhelmed. Either way, you may get a lot of, “Mom/Dad, _ happened, what should I do?!”
The following prompts are some to have in mind to encourage them to think and problem-solve:
- What do you think you should do?
- Where do you think you should start?
- What do you want the outcome to be? What could be a few steps to get there?
- Who could you ask for help?
- What are the pros and cons of each?
- What will happen if you do nothing?
Pretty soon, they’ll be hearing these questions in their head and problem-solving or feeling more confident that they’ve thought through their problem effectively.
Coming Home
Goodbyes never get easier. While it’s tempting to have them come home early and often, encourage your child to stay on campus for at least the first 4-6 weeks. Being there on weekends has the following advantages:
- Rest: College is mentally, physically, and emotionally challenging, especially at first. Sleep is an amazing healer and offers clarity of mind to handle it all.
- Homework: Catch up on homework or work ahead if the class allows.
- Exploration: Explore off-campus happenings in Holland or nearby towns.
- Socializing: Meet people outside of their classes by hanging out at events, worship services, or the student center.
Driving to and from campus, regardless of how far, can be stressful and breaks up the routine they’ve worked hard to establish during the week. If they know they’ll be there through the weekends, they’ll have more incentive to find things to do, people to meet, or places to explore.
Be honest with your kids—the first semester will be rough. Regardless of how extroverted or smart they are or how easy it has been for them to make friends in the past, they need to know it’s okay to take it one day at a time and that everyone else is in the same situation. We’ve suggested to ours to give themselves and others grace, to be kind, to have an open mind, and to pray. It will work out.
And if it’s feeling too heavy, seek help. Hope College offers a variety of mental health support services, including talking to an RA, Advisor, or Health Services. They are there to help, and reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness.