This last week was one that I would say was slightly difficult. How so? Well, simply put – school. This last week I have been fighting off a sickness, while having to prepare for and take 3 exams, while also trying to do my other homework, and juggling life. To be honest, this week isn’t that abnormal in the sense of busyness, but this one hit more harder than the others. So why? Because it was heavy on the academic part of my schedule.
“I wish I could do college without the academic part” is something I often find myself saying or thinking. I am not naturally a learner; I don’t enjoy doing research. School doesn’t naturally come to me – I have to work hard at it to be successful. Due to that, unlike my other activities and clubs, school drains me physically and mentally. The amount of effort I have to put forward exhausts me. It exhausts me to such a point that it is hard for me to find joy in the fact that I am doing schooling. The lack of joy makes me ponder whether I even want to do school… I actually consider dropping out of college. What always ends up keeping me enrolled is the clubs and organizations that I am involved in that I love and have grown and am growing so much from, the friends that I love who play a huge role in my life, or just the simple fact that I need a degree and I need to do well in order for me to be be successful post college and then adequately be a steward of my gifts.
You know what though, none of those motivations help me find any joy in the fact of me being a student. They just make me trudge the swamp of having to be a student. That is not what I want, not even a tiny bit. I know it is a blessing and a privilege that I have the opportunity to be getting an education, thus I want to be able to acknowledge that I am getting something from it.
And that acknowledgement has come. I was able to take some time at this end of the week and journal about all of this. In that time of reflecting and writing, I decided to take the time and look at all my classes that I have taken while I was a Hope student and write down what impacting thing I have learned from them. In doing that I was able to see that each of my classes have helped play a role in shaping how I think, how I act, and the man I am today. So with that new found knowledge, I want to make that my motivation in not dropping out of school and in having motivation for doing my schooling: I may not enjoy each class I take and the work that goes along with it, but with each class I take, I have the opportunity and often the benefit of gaining something to make myself a better human being.