Blog - Page 94 of 131 - Off-Campus Study

Leaps of Faith

I’ve been in Ecuador for a little over three weeks now and it’s amazing to think about the experiences I have already had and how they have changed me. I am still observing everything around me and am trying to make sense of cultural differences, but so far it has been an adventure that I’m thankful to be taking.

This weekend I traveled to Baños, Ecuador (yes, “baños” means “bathrooms” in Spanish, but I promise it’s an incredible place). My friends and I left on Friday morning to take a three hour bus ride to our destination. Baños is the last city in the mountains before reaching the Amazon and it sits in a scenic valley. The city is also a big attraction to tourists because it has a lot of adventurous activities available. Once we got to our hostel, we grabbed lunch and quickly proceeded to our first excursion of the weekend: La Casa del Arbol. La Casa del Arbol is a treehouse with a swing (known as the swing at the end of the world) that sits on the edge of a cliff. We took a bus to get there, then each of us took a turn on the swing. The views were beautiful as we looked into the valleys of the mountains through the clouds that continuously rolled in.

After the swing we decided to hike back to town. We were told that it would be an hour and a half hike down the mountain, but we accidentally took the hardest path possible back… This was by far the most challenging hike I have ever done because it was all a steep downhill path literally on the side of a mountain. Some people used the technique of sliding through the mud while others hoped and prayed they wouldn’t fall. Eventually we got separated into three separate groups based on our paces which made things even more interesting. My pal Adrien and I were by ourselves hiking at one point when we reached a fork in the road. We thought about which direction made more sense and turned, of course going the wrong way. On top of that, it started pouring, making the hike even more of a challenge. When we reached a dead end, we turned around and were headed in the right direction. Along the way we encountered a stray donkey, a cafe where we had to stop and get a brownie of course, and by the end we were reunited with the rest of our group. It was quite the three hour journey, but one that will be one of the most memorable parts of being in Ecuador.

Once we were done hiking, we went out to an Italian restaurant and then went back to the hostel to hangout and play some cards. On Saturday morning, a few people wanted to go bungee jumping because when in Baños… All of last week my friends were trying to convince me to go and as we walked to the bridge I decided that I would join in the madness and make the jump. I watched several people ahead of me take their turn and each time my heart dropped knowing mine was quickly approaching. Those who know me well know that this is completely out of character for me. But I did it. I got into the harness, let the guide attach me to the rope, stood out on the ledge, and fell forward, letting gravity to its thing. Standing on the ledge was the most terrifying on my life. I made the mistake of looking down at the rushing river below, making me hesitate briefly, but I followed through and am so glad that I did. It was exhilarating and something that pushed me out of my comfort zone like never before.

To recover from the adrenaline rush during bungee jumping, I went with five others to a coffee shop to relax for a bit. We then took a bus to Pailon del Diablo, a huge waterfall. We hiked around there for a while and took in the views of the gushing water before us. I didn’t really expect that I’d see so many waterfalls in Ecuador, but it has been the best surprise. After that we went back into town and then went to the hot springs, a big attraction in Baños. I had never been to hot springs before, but it sounded like it was going to be a pretty chill evening. I was wrong yet again. The hot springs were packed with locals of all ages and we all had to wear swim caps to protect the pools. We looked ridiculous as we crammed into these baths, but it was hilarious and was a new bonding moment for our group of friends.

Later after we went to the hostel to change, we went out to a Mexican restaurant for dinner and then made our way to a discoteca for some dancing. Sunday morning consisted of breakfast and hanging out at a cafe again until it was time to take the bus back to Quito. It was another weekend filled with memories that will last a life time and experiences that were different from the norm for me.

Throughout the weekend I felt challenged into taking leaps of faith, from the extremely difficult hike down the mountain (and especially in getting lost for a while) to bungee jumping to the discomfort of the hot springs and to opening myself up to cultural differences in random places. A lot of studying abroad in a new country with a different culture requires these leaps of faith. You have to be open to new things and to seeing the world with a new perspective. These leaps can be daunting, but in the end you will be so glad you took them and you will learn more about yourself/ the world than you ever have before.

Yia sas from Greece

The view down my street – a mix of old and new.

γεια σας (hello all!) from the Pangrati neighborhood in Athens, Greece. It has been a whirlwind since I landed yesterday afternoon, but I am feeling more settled each moment as my first full day draws to a close. My apartment is a two minute walk from the CYA academic center. The academic center is next door neighbors with The Panathenaic Stadium, which was built entirely from marble in the mid 2nd century. Any picture I took of the stadium did not do it justice, so I will leave it up to you to look into it for yourself. Yesterday I strayed only one half block away from my apartment; today I ventured three blocks. On each excursion I came to the same conclusion: Athens is not what I expected.

I had the opportunity to go to a local ‘taverna’ with a few members of the faculty and staff this evening along with fellow students. I asked the native Greek faculty many questions and began to understand a bit more about the city in which I live. When I asked about the graffiti they explained it is not a sign of gang activity but a sign of political expression and teen angst. When I asked about the economic crisis they explained 60% of Athenian youths are unemployed and angry. When I asked about their opinion on the American obesity epidemic they explained Greeks care about healthy food that one spends time over. In one single evening, I have been able to learn and appreciate so much more about the Greek culture and Athens itself – imagine what four months will do! Athens is certainly not the beautiful tourist trap that is Santorini, but it is the home to many who work, worship, and eat (and eat, and eat, and eat!) and are full of love for family and country. It is cliché to say I have only scratched the surface, but that is the truth of the matter. There is so much left to say after only two days, yet the words do not come. If I cannot summarize all the details perhaps I can summarize the feeling. I am overwhelmed by the breadth and height and noise, and unsure about my place here, but I am certain every moment I am here is doing me good and I will only become more confident and empowered. I am also certain of the food. Fried feta cheese anyone?

The view from my balcony. I have been told many times by Greeks that this cold cloudy weather is the worst they’ve had in years.

Bienvenue à Paris!

Today marks the end of my first week in Paris with the IES French Studies program. I left for France a few days before the program started to travel with my sister who studies in Menton. After three flights and a bus ride, we arrived in Menton on Saturday, January 14.

Our view from the bus as we traveled along the southern coast of France.

Menton is close to both Italy and Monaco, with great views of the Mediterranean. On Sunday my sister and I took a short train ride to Monte Carlo. As part of the most populous quartier (administrative area) of Monaco, Monte Carlo is known for winding roads, casinos, and fantastic ocean views.

On Monday it was time to leave for Paris. I decided to take a train instead of flying because it was less expensive and offered views of the French countryside. Once I arrived in Paris, it cost me under 2 euro to take the Metro from Gare de Lyon train station to my homestay.

Many students in our program choose to live with a French family to learn about daily life in Paris and practice French with native speakers. My host mom prepares dinner for my housemate and I three nights each week. So far we have had great meals such as beef and potatoes, vegetable soup, and turkey with a mushroom sauce. I could write an entire post about food (and I will…stay tuned).

After a breakfast of tea, toast and fruit, my housemate and I left for the IES French Studies center to start orientation. The program begins with an orientation and intensive French language classes. There are also cultural activities including street art tours and food tastings.

Street art livens up buildings in the Belleville district.

The rest of our courses begin on January 30. This means we have plenty of time for sightseeing.

The beautiful stained glass windows of Sainte-Chapelle.

Some highlights so far include Notre Dame Cathedral, Sainte-Chapelle, and the Conciergerie. The Conciergerie is known for detaining criminals and political prisoners (such as Robespierre and Marie Antoinette) during the French Revolution. Best of all, the student ID card provided by IES allowed me to visit Sainte-Chapelle and the Conciergerie for free! Many tourist sites, movies, etc., are free or discounted for students and young adults.

My first week in Paris has not been without challenges. Communicating almost 24/7 in a foreign language (even one you have studied) can be frustrating when you’re a perfectionist like me. Adjusting to new time zones and new customs takes patience. But the benefits of improving my French and learning about a new culture far outweigh any difficulties so far. I cannot wait to explore more of what Paris has to offer.

¡Bienvenidos a Salamanca!

My first week of Spain has been a whirlwind! Last week I started my travels to Spain, and I arrived in Salamanca on January 18. That day was to relax, unpack, meet our host families, and rest up for the orientation that would start the next day. Then began the craziness that is orientation!

IES has done a wonderful job making sure that we meet other people on our trip and that we keep busy so we don’t get homesick. The experience of transitioning to time abroad is different than transitioning to college because I don’t just have to get used to a new school and new people, I have to get used to an entirely new culture and lifestyle. This makes homesickness possible (and more likely) for people who may not have gotten as homesick leaving home for college, like me, which is why we are kept so busy and why IES works so hard to help students adapt smoothly. This transition is made easier and more personal because I’m living with a host family, for which I am thankful! I’m living with a woman and her two daughters, one who is a few years older than me and one who is a few years younger. I’ve been having a lot of fun practicing and improving my Spanish by talking to them and getting to know them, which is an important aspect of the full cultural immersion experience.

So much has happened during the first week, but one of my favorite events that IES planned happened on Friday. We had a welcome party with all of the students, staff, and volunteers to give us a chance to meet each other and eat pizza. We were then surprised by a group of men in capes with instruments to burst into the room to sing to us! “La Tuna” was originally group of university students years ago that would dress up and sing to earn tips to earn their living. Now the tradition is continued with a group of men who will occasionally be seen throughout university cities in their traditional attire. They sang to the group and got everyone dancing and laughing. The best way to describe the experience is with a picture because it is so unlike anything I’ve ever seen.

Orientation continues through this week as we get to know the city and we take two trips to nearby cities and then class officially starts!

A Weekend in Mindo

This past weekend I traveled with fourteen other people from my program to Mindo. Mindo is a quaint little town located north of Quito in the Andean foothills. We arrived in Mindo on Friday morning after a two hour bus ride and went straight to our hostel, Bio Hostal. This was my first experience staying at a hostel and it honestly was way better than I expected. The hostel had different areas inside and out with hammocks, the rooms were very clean, and they even provided breakfast every morning. The best part was that it was extremely cheap.

After we got settled at the hostel, we grabbed some lunch and headed out to Hostería Mariposas de Mindo, a butterfly reserve. We saw hundreds of butterflies of all different kinds; I don’t even like insects and I thought it was pretty neat. Once our time at the butterfly reserve was finished we went to our next activity, tubing, via taxi (which in Mindo means a pickup truck where we all stand in the back of it).

Tubing in Ecuador is definitely not the same thing as in the U.S. In my past experiences tubing has been going to camp or someone’s lake house and being pulled in a tube behind a boat. It’s been a very common summer activity in my life so when I heard we were going tubing I thought I knew what was about to happen. I was very wrong. What tubing meant here was tying six inner-tubes together, having each of us sit in the middle of them, going down a river with boulders and rapids, and having two guides jumping around the tubes and into the water to push us off of the boulders. It was quite the adrenaline rush and was one of my favorite parts of the trip.

When tubing was over we went back to the hostel, changed into dry clothes, and then a group of us went to a café that had the best brownies I have ever eaten. They make their chocolate on site and as a result have the richest brownies around. So if you’re searching for the place that has the greatest brownie/chocolate on earth, head to Mindo. The rest of the day was pretty much just dinner and playing cards together since we were exhausted.

On Saturday morning I went for a hike at 6:00 a.m. with some friends where we saw various tropical birds in the Nambillo Cloud Forest. Even though it was an early day, it was a great way to see the beauty of Mindo. After we hiked for about an hour we took the terabita (a cable car) through the mountains to get to the other side of the cloud forest. On this side we hiked for a few hours to multiple waterfalls. It was a challenging hike because there were continuous changes in going up and down stairs, but it was definitely worth it for the views.

We were finished hiking around 1:30 p.m., so we went back into town, had some hamburgers for lunch, then all parted ways to relax. My friend Emily and I went back to the café for another brownie (they’re just too good) and sat outside, enjoying the fresh air and rest. We didn’t do much the rest of the day until we went to dinner and then had our first experience at a discoteca where we danced to Spanish electronica music.

Our final day in Mindo consisted of breakfast, stopping one more time for brownies and chocolate, having a quick bite to eat, then saying goodbye to Mindo and heading back to Quito. I absolutely loved Mindo and would highly recommend this place to everyone because it has plenty to do if you want to relax or if you want to be more adventurous. I hope that I can travel there again this semester, but until then it’s back to school and on to new weekend excursions.

Welcome to Ecuador

One week ago I left everything comfortable behind to embark on a 4 1/2 month journey to Quito, Ecuador. I left my home, family, friends, favorite foods, the snow (not too sad about that one), and the all of the security that comes through those things. I’m now living in a new country where the language, customs, and various aspects of society are different than what I’m used to. It has been challenging so far, but a challenge that I’m excited to continue to grow through.

On January 2nd I flew from Chicago to Atlanta to Quito and throughout the whole day I was a nervous wreck. The unknowns of studying abroad were terrifying and they really didn’t hit me until I had to say goodbye to my family and my home. Luckily, I have the privilege of taking on this new adventure with one of my best friends, Emily, and we met in Atlanta to fly the rest of the way together. Having one another brought a lot of relief for our final flight. Once we got to Quito and went through customs we found some of the other students in our program and then went to meet our host families.

I am living in an apartment with one woman named Nelly. She has three sons who are all married so it’s just the two of us. Nelly is kind and patient with me when my Spanish skills are not very good. She gives me a lot of independence and has been helpful in showing me the customs of Ecuador. While living in a new home has been an adjustment, I have felt welcomed and cared for.

Quito is a huge city of over 1.5 million people and it is located at an altitude of 9,350 feet. It is also in the Andes Mountains which is a pretty great thing to wake up to every morning. I live close to a park called Parque la Carolina, a bunch of hip coffeeshops and restaurants, and am only a few blocks away from my school.

In the past week I have had orientation with the other students in my program and have learned a ton. Not only have I learned about Quito and the program (IES), but I have also learned different Ecuadorian phrases, how to use the bus (a continuing learning experience), and how to navigate my neighborhood. Living in a city is in no way similar to life in Holland, MI, but I’m figuring it out one day at a time.

Besides all of the information I’ve heard during orientation, we have also taken a few trips. One day we did a tour of the Centro Historico de Quito where we saw a few churches, La Plaza Grande, and El Panecillo (a statue of the Virgen Mary that overlooks the city). The historical district of Quito is filled with interesting architecture as well as stories behind the buildings. My favorite part of that day was El Panecillo because you can climb up to the top of the statue and see the entire city. We went at sunset which made for an incredible view. Another day we left Quito and visited Otavalo (an indigenous market), Laguna de Cuicocha (a crater lake), and Cascada de Peguche (a waterfall). Again, the views were unreal and they brought reassurance that I had chosen the right country to study abroad in.

We have done a lot in this last week and have already experienced a new way of life that will continue to develop over these next few months. There is much more to tell about Ecuador, but for now I’ll leave you with this: living in Ecuador is and will be hard yet transformative. Here’s to the beginning of the semester! As they say in Ecuador, chau!

Reflecting

Looking back on my time abroad, it almost doesn’t even feel real.

Did that really happen? Did I actually live in Scotland for four months? A brand new country where I didn’t know a soul? Where I wasn’t able to see my family and friends for a whole season?

Yeah, I actually did that.

I’m about to start back at Hope again in a few days, and I honestly feel like a completely different person. I’m returning having experienced four months of new accents, foods, adventures… and I don’t know how I’m going to put it into words for people. I’m moving into my first apartment. I’m going to have to cook for myself for the first time. I’m about to finish my second to last year, and yet, I know I can do it because I’ve conquered my Scottish semester.

That’s the thing that’s really different. Things aren’t as scary to me anymore… or rather, I have something I can tell myself when I do get scared. For example, I recently met my new boyfriend’s friends over break. I was so incredibly nervous about making a good impression… I honestly didn’t know how I wasn’t going to be my normal awkward self. However, I thought that whole time, “Becky, you studied abroad in SCOTLAND. This should be a cake walk.” And it was compared to my international semester. I’ve made it through the worst homesickness ever and come out of it a better cultured, more mature person. Bring on scariness of growing up!

I also feel like I’m a more empathic person, which is something I struggled with before. Seeing more of God’s world changes you. You interact with people that are just so unlike you. This even became apparent when meeting other people from the States that were studying abroad in Aberdeen. I got to go outside of Hope’s “Christian Bubble” for a semester and experience what the “Real World” is like. At times, this was really hard. I had to look harder for people who shared my beliefs, would hold me accountable, and could talk about Jesus with me. However, those who didn’t share my faith made great impacts on me. Through them, I learned how to better evangelize and how to quietly nudge people towards Jesus. Also, I learned how to just be a better listener. That’s a lesson I desperately needed.

I also learned that it’s okay to be alone. Before this adventure, I had serious FOMO: Fear of Missing Out. Not all of that has gone away, but I actually spent a lot of time alone in Aberdeen and loved it. It helped that I had my own dorm room. Taking breaks from people allowed me to have times for reflection. I also became comfortable with walking around the city by myself, and I look back on my solo adventures and smile. I definitely will need to carve out more alone time at Hope.

Overall, though, I don’t know how anyone could ever think that studying abroad is a bad idea. I’m sure I’ve learned lessons from my Scottish semester that I haven’t even realized yet. Like I said, it’s still hard to even fathom that it happened. If you’re debating on taking the leap and traveling abroad, go for it! You won’t regret it.

Trying to “Hope” Again

So… Hope’s 2nd semester classes are about to start up, and it’s becoming more and more apparent to me that I don’t remember how to be a Hope student.

Someone the other day asked me if I have experienced culture shock since arriving home, and I confidently answered, “No!” I mean, jet lag definitely affected me the first couple days; 7:00 p.m. would hit and suddenly a weight of exhaustion would come over me. However, other than that, I could honestly say that it hasn’t been to difficult to ease back into my States life. That is… until I started thinking about Hope.

I move back to Hope in just five days, so I’m starting to get things together, and if I’ve learned anything from doing this, it’s that I have no clue what I’m doing. I kind of feel like a freshman all over again. Just today I realized that I have to order books, but I couldn’t even remember how to find Hope’s book list. It didn’t even dawn on me until halfway through the process that I usually rent my books from Chegg. Also, I’ll think back to people who go to my church in Holland, and I can’t remember their names for the life of me! I can’t even remember some of the names of Hope buildings! What’s going on?!

On top of this, I’m moving into an apartment for the first, so I really don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what to bring, I don’t know what groceries to buy, I don’t know where to park my car. It’s a whole new world in Holland, Michigan for me.

I know that logically everything will be fine. My Hope friends have already been a huge help, answering all of my questions and expressing excitement to see me again. However, returning to the American schooling system definitely scares me a little. Hope’s classes are much more rigorous and demanding than the ones I took at Aberdeen. I know this for a fact. I know that I will have to find motivation and retrain my brain to be a Hope student.

Also, I’m taking Statistics this semester, and math is my biggest fear.

Luckily, I know that Hope’s Study Abroad Department is always here for its students. I’ve heard Amy and Kendra talk about students they’ve met with who have been through similar experiences when returning to Hope. I trust this team will be able to help me if I end up desperately needing it.

That’s why I’m so glad that I chose Hope. Not only did Hope allow me to go out and experience more of the world, but it’s always assured that I’d have a safe place to go to. Amy and Kendra promised this from Day 1 of this adventure.

Therefore, I’m excited to go back. I have hope that all will be well.

Flying Home

I haven’t written in a while, and that’s because I’m finally home!

Home for me is Southeastern Ohio, so a traded granite Scottish buildings for cornfields and green pastures. It’s exciting to be in America again, weird but exciting, and my adrenaline was high the whole day that I was flying home.

My day started at 5 a.m. U.K. time (midnight Ohio time), and I frantically finished emptying my room before my taxi arrived. This was perhaps the most stressful part of my whole day. There was only so much packing I could do the night before; I’d still need sheets to sleep on, face wash to use in the morning, and clothes to wear the next day. I spent an hour making treks to the recycling bins in the parking lot outside my dorm. It was also still dark out, so it made the adventure that much weirder.

The actual flying part of my journey was long, but it went as well as it could have gone. I took three flights from Aberdeen to London to Philadelphia and then to Columbus. And guess what? I didn’t sleep on any of them. Yep. That’s right! Like I said, my adrenaline was high, and I was nervous to fly so far by myself, so I didn’t really relax at all. Not even when I realized that I had the whole entire row to myself on my 8 hour flight back to the States. Instead of sleeping like a normal person, I watched reruns of Friends and enjoyed Pixar’s Monsters University. Another thing that made me laugh was the fact that I thought the plane’s meal was tastier than Aberdeen’s cafeteria food. British Airways served me tasty chicken and mashed potatoes along with a cup of salted caramel and chocolate mousse for dessert.

When I finally arrived in Columbus, my mother and stepfather were waiting at the gate to greet me with decorated signs. I was also surprised to see my two best friends Hunter and Megan eating Panera at the airport’s food court, and later my sister surprised me at the baggage claim. Megan also passed along a care package from my boyfriend who couldn’t be there when I landed. After this, I suggested we do what anyone would want to do once returning home to the States: eat at Olive Garden. There, I met my brother and his new girlfriend. Adrenaline definitely kept me up this long, but it didn’t stop me from being loopy. I didn’t even recognize my sister when she surprised me.

I went to bed that night at midnight Ohio time, which means I stayed awake for a full 24 hours! It was definitely worth it, though. Studying abroad changed me forever, and one of the biggest changes I see myself is how much appreciate and love my home and family. I attend an out-of-state school, but I still had never been away from my family as long as I did while studying in Aberdeen. It was so good to see them again.

Reflecting on my time in South Africa: A Changed Person – A Changed Perspective

Almost five months. I lived in South Africa for almost 5 months. I could hardly imagine so much fun and pain, so many learned lessons and new perspectives, so many breathtaking and tragic sights all could be crammed into a mere 150 days. Yet I experienced all that and more. The John Luke that stepped onto the South Africa soil on the 2nd of July is drastically different from the John Luke that stepped into O’Hare International Airport on the 23rd of November.

As my time in South Africa has come to a close, I have taken some time to reflect on what lessons impacted me in the now and will continue to impact me for the rest of my life.

My change in South Africa can best be described as becoming woke.

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Woke is a millennial term that urban dictionary defines as the state of “being aware” or “knowing what’s going on in the community.” This typically describes people “waking up” to issues of race or social justice. In South Africa, my woke process began as I came to understand society in a whole new light, see injustice in the day to day, and understand my place in it all.

University of Cape Town offered one of the most transformative classes I have ever taken: Race, Class, Gender, and Sexuality. In this sociology class, I learned that society is set up in a way which gives a person who fits into a certain mold the most power while those that do no fit the mold are left in the margins. When there is power, there is often oppression, and those that feel that pang of oppression are those that are in the margins. A lot of that is just words, so who holds the most power? Who fits in the mold in which society’s structures give the most power? In reference to race, class, gender, and sexuality the mold typically holds the white, middle to upper class, heterosexual, masculine male. And everyone outside of that – Blacks, Native Americans, Asian-Americans, Hispanics, low class citizens, women, Non-binary persons, disabled, queer individuals – are all people who will feel that pang of oppression.

These are all concepts that I had maybe seen before or heard others talk about, but I never before really had to think about them. My rural Indiana childhood home didn’t make me think about it. My friendly and welcoming West Michigan environment and college didn’t make me think about it. My whole world, which I realized was predominately white, middle class, and heterosexual, didn’t make me think about it because truthfully, it didn’t affect me as a white male.

….

Yet that unawareness was not possible while being in South Africa. The moment I arrived, I was surrounded by oppression as I saw the difference of extreme wealth and extreme poverty within a 10 mile radius (as seen in my first blog in SA). This wasn’t just poverty linked to class as I had seen many times in US cities, but a poverty that was so strongly tied to race. Due to South Africa’s history with apartheid and colonization, race and its association to poverty and oppression was very prevalent in my day to day interactions – from who held what positions to the opportunities of my fellow classmates to the beggars on the streets. Apartheid had only been lifted about 20 years ago, so being in South Africa was like being in an environment that was the United States 20 years after the Jim Crow laws were abolished. Even though 79.2% of South Africa is made up of black Africans, while the rest are white, Indian, and other, the 8.9% of white South Africans hold the most power (2011 SA Census). As white supremacy and privilege screamed at me every day in all my interactions and conversations, it made me think about the world I lived in.

I had to ask myself “who am I and what does my privilege mean?” I started to understand that due to my race, due to my class, due to my biological sex, due to my sexuality, due to my nationality of an American – I held extreme privilege in society. I reflected how I saw myself potentially abusing my privileged place of power and how even the simple little actions I did could be oppressive . For example, South Africa has this amazing place located in Woodstock called the Old Biscuit Mill which is essentially a farmer’s market on Saturdays that has the BEST food. Much talk and excitement had been built up about going to this must-do location while in Cape Town, yet the first thing noticed when I woke up one Saturday morning to check this adventure off of my list was how white (in terms of race) the Old Biscuit Mill was. And in understanding the location more, I realized, that though the Old Biscuit Mill was a nice family friendly Saturday morning outing, it was the work of gentrification, or the upscaling of a specific area that then causes the cost of living to increase in that area and pushes the poor residents, usually those of color, out of the neighborhood. The recently gentrified Woodstock essentially had a financial apartheid and again the white privileged people were the ones that benefited from it. When I was providing my business at this market, I felt like I was just feeding into the oppression and injustice. This simple thing that seemed so fun and like a must-do since I was in Cape Town was in reality, oppressive.

Through my awakening process, I also began to see how privilege is so wrapped up in the society that we are born into – both in terms of South Africa and the United States. I saw how things with good intentions behind it could be oppressive: domestics jobs, chivalry, or even Disney. Even though domestic work can provide income to someone of a lower class who needs the money, often the positions are filled with a person of color, and thus the job still feeds into the white supremacy system as lower class people of color are serving upper class whites. Though a man chivalrously opening a door for a woman is a nice gesture, it feeds into the age old concept that a women is too “weak” to do it herself, and must have a knight in shining armor open the door for her. Even if the intentions are just to be polite, due to the historical context, oppression is wrapped in it. Even with Disney, something that brings joy across the world, it wasn’t until 2009 that a black princess was represented. It wasn’t until 7 years ago that a black child even had the option of connecting with a princess that looked like them!

While my new understanding of society should have been liberating, it came with a heavy weight. A denseness labeled as white guilt, feeling upset about the societal oppression of the world and feeling guilty because, simply being born a white male, I held the most power in the system. This guilt also stemmed from times where I realized where I had been oppressive or still was. This is not an example I love to share, but about a month into my time in South Africa, I was getting off of the train and a black woman asked me a question. At that time, I was on high defense (because the train wasn’t the safest), and I found myself assuming that this person was another beggar and wanted money. So when she asked the question, I responded how I often had responded to beggars: In a sympathetic voice, “Sorry. I don’t have anything.” I didn’t even realize until later that this black woman just wanted to know how to get to the other side of the tracks. I was being oppressive in terms of class and race in this situation – not even giving my time to listen. I instantly felt terrible for what I had done, but it also made me realize my societal privilege that I still had to work on breaking down. For the first time ever, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin because of the meaning behind it, the meaning of “whiteness.” In my discomfort, I had to decide what to do with this guilt – to either sit in it and be despaired or have a change within myself and try to make a difference somehow.

As I was sitting in this guilt, in a discussion with a black female friend, I asked her “What can I do?” And to that she said that I must continue to understand and break down my own privilege as well as be a voice in a place that she might not be listened too – in a place where she might just be seen as another stereotyped, angry, black woman. So that is what I am trying to do: to break down my own privilege and understand and learn the way society functions and the oppression and power within it. More than just learn, but to be willing to share what I have learned even if it may not always “keep the peace.” But to share, I must do so in a way that doesn’t just feed into more oppression as can be seen in with the White Savior Industrial Complex. So, that is why I am willing to not go to class during a time of protests because I think it’s an unjust action (full story here in my protest blog). That’s why more of my Facebook shares aren’t just funny dancing videos anymore but also movements like replacing Columbus Day with Indigenous Day. That’s why I am more liberal, radical, and progressive. That’s why I am even writing this blog.

I am a changed person with a changed perspective. Why? Because of this awakening process. I could claim that I am woke, but even that is an abuse of my privilege because I still have so much more to learn and understand about the world around me, as I believe everyone does. I have changed. Never before did I have to even think that I was white and now the understanding of that is constantly on my mind. And it goes beyond just my race, but class, gender, sexuality, abilities, and more. A very wise person once said to me, “The greatest privilege is to be unaware of your privilege; to choose to be ignorant.” I was definitely that. So I ask you, “What is your privilege in society and what does that mean to you?” And with that understanding, “What needs to change?”

…

The greatest privilege is to be unaware of your privilege. It is up to you to make that change – to become a changed person, and thus a changed perspective.

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